if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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