I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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