Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
