Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
