A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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