Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
