I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
