he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
