is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
