Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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