I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize