I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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