He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
