Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
