my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
