end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize