Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
