When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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