Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
