A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
