You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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