I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
