I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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