i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
