It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Boobs are out for the taking
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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