my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
