i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize