Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
