I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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