i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
