is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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