babies were throwing up all over the place
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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