Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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