you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
