Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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