sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Couch. On fire.
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