Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
