ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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