I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
