Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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