I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
