why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
