I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize