I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
