I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
