I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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