$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
