And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
