Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
