Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
