He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
