Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You can't motorboat a personality
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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