all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
