No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
honey bunches of taint.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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