I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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