Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize