Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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