just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
