She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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