Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she smelled like a LAN party
Acid is not a monday night drug
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
