How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
