I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
