So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
