...so i touched it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
