im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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