I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
