i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
