Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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