Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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