Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
