I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
