Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
