so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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