Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i think my cat just said my name.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize