When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
