I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
