I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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